“There is a criterion by which you can judge whether the thoughts you are thinking and the things you are doing are right for you. The criterion is: Have they brought you inner peace? If they have not, there is something wrong with them / so keep seeking! If what you do has brought you inner peace, stay with what you believe is right.”—
I got some time to explain the true grading of a rhymewriter So take the stance of a gunfighter Others inject intellect for selfrespect Or simply kickin’ verses for a tight paycheck But they neglect is creative aspects in control The sounds and words originate up in the soul My thoughts cross wack emcees and wickedness They seem to go hand in hand in the mess That’s formed the dawn of the fake emcee It’s really funny to me how brothers front like they deadly, see Jah be’s with me so Ras G is no fool Respectin’ the original school that wrote the rules I’m layin’ all these real ass facts upon the wax Mass communication minus fakin’ the jax So relax all the gods will make you crumble and fall Keepin’ you on the run as we start from Square One
“The basis of shame is not some personal mistake of ours, but the ignominy, the humiliation we feel that we must be what we are without any choice in the matter, and that this humiliation is seen by everyone.”—Milan Kundera
“Action is a great restorer and builder of confidence. Inaction is not only the result, but the cause, of fear. Perhaps the action you take will be successful; perhaps different action or adjustments will have to follow. But any action is better than no action at all.”—
let me first ask a question, “how emotionally damaged do you think you are?”
i mean, let’s think about it.
think about all of the shit you as one person has gone through and then think about how you dealt, coped, resolved and moved on from all your “emotionally damaging situations”.
i keep my emotions swept under a rug-for lack of a better comparison- they are all there, just underneath the outward surface.
i’m in no way saying i’m free from all emotion, i still do experience anger,sadness, joy,fear etc …
but that ever so lovely emotion of love has become dismal..faded..almost non-existent; i forget it’s there sometimes
sub-consciously i know its still there, i know i am capable of still being able to love, but it is my one rock solid emotion.
one that doesn’t crack unless chipped down,
one that has no color nor necessary use until it’s needed,
one that seldom gets picked up and held in someone else’s hands
i don’t know why this is .. i don’t know who or what or how i became such an abstract thing to the idea of love, and being in love but i do not view it the same as everyone else who has this god-fearing emotion on their side.
i know one day i’ll jump back on the ship of romantics and cloud-niners, but for now i bid you all adieu from the shores of the cold hearted
i been doing a lot of astrology reading..which isn’t anything particularly new to me (considering i own 2 pretty in depth books pertaining to the subject); but during certain times i feel my horoscope becomes a faint & vague guide for my month or days ahead…and shit, there ain’t nun wrong with a little direction..especially direction for ones’ self.
so here’s my September 2011 horoscope, don’t mind the in between notes, it’s for personal reference:
Aries (March 20-April 19) I suggest you become more curious about your sense of emotional injury.[emotional injury? i actually never thought about how emotions could be injured or damaged but now thinking about it, my emotional division could very well be the victim of a brutal bashing of time wasters and illogical, irrational folks. true]
Usually we avoid investigating this kind of thing when we can. Yet recent events might have stirred you up a bit, and that’s an invitation to go deeper. This is especially true if you’ve had any of those “I’m feeling something deep but I really don’t know what it is” moments in the past three or four weeks.
Your charts give a clue: The picture shows a relationship between your sense of pride, the sensation of being hurt, and a particular way you tend to get stuck. Somewhere in your distant past, you were told it was wrong to be self-centered, which you took as meaning “centered in yourself.” [f*ckin’ aye. this shit it the mark so perfectly. i actually lost count of the amount of times the phrase, “self centered” / “selfish”/ "self absorbed" was thrown my direction. i do not think i am any of these things. however i continue to maintain myself as the key most important person to understand completely. centered in self? true.]
The result, of course, would have been to knock you off-center, as if that were somehow good for yourself or anyone else. Self-centered vs. centered in yourself has many equivalents. I suggest you also sort out arrogant from confident; narcissistic from self-loving; needing attention from craving meaningful passionate contact with others. Underneath these distinctions is a deeper value. The first concept in each pair is about alienation, and the second is relational. The first involves a sense of injury and the second is about healing. Yet they’re not really opposites; they are related like shadow and light, which depend on one another to exist. If you want the light, it’s necessary to embrace what’s going on in your shadows. Both, treated with awareness, are sources of nourishment and wisdom.
Aries: I suggest you become more curious about your sense of emotional injury. Usually we avoid investigating this kind of thing when we can. Yet recent events might have stirred you up a bit, and that’s an invitation to go deeper. This is especially true if you’ve had any of…
Aries is a uniquely naive sign. Although they are independent, outgoing and assertive they are also surprisingly trusting, often innocently walking into the lion’s den at times. No matter what upheaval, challenge or triumph they confront - an Aries has a wonderful ability to bounce back. Their faith in life and the future remains untouched by hardship. Their gift is that they are always children at heart and the world is always a magical place for them. Many famous sports people are born under this sign. Aries is regarded as the most physical sign and because of its Mar’s rulership; it is also one of the most highly charged masculine energy signs in astrology. No wonder women born under Aries are forceful, dynamic and aggressive, and as a result these Aries women frequently find themselves with dilemmas surrounding their romantic relationships. For them, a man has to be a ‘real man’ to deal with an Aries woman, otherwise she intimidates him. And conversely for the Aries male, a woman has to be a real woman to deal with him, because he is looking for many balancing component traits (his true feminine side) in his partner. She has to run the gamut in his support system, from the Aries man’s best friend, true companion, through to his muse, and yet she must never ever answer him back!
Therefore Aries can be a confusing sign because there is a complex combination of very strong masculine and feminine expressions all combined together. Because of the male energy surrounding it, when a woman is born under Aries, it creates some of the most interesting women in the world, women who are adventurous, independent and have competitive natures. It also tends to make them very forthright.
But whether male or female, Aries people are ‘doers’ rather than ‘talkers’. They are the impulsive, act first, ask questions or have doubts later, sign of the zodiac. That’s why their lives are often filled with many dramas and sometimes even accidents! Their ability to live life close to the edge provides them with a wealth of ‘real experience’ to call upon. When an Aries person talks about something or somewhere they’ve usually done it or been there, rather than simply read about it in a book. Being active people Aries can’t adapt to any kind of restriction, particularly possessive relationships. They often travel to escape any feelings of being stuck or possessed. Aries people love challenges. In fact, if everything is running smoothly, they are quite capable of going out and doing something (sometimes quite foolish) to rock the boat. Aries love to race in where angels fear to tread.
after carefully consideration i chose which films i will go see for this year’s Toronto Film Festival.
they go in order of interest:
"The Day" - Directed by Doug Aarniokoski & written by Luke Passmore. A band of survivors must fight to keep humanity alive in a bleak post-apocalyptic world.
"Doppelganger Paul" - Directed by Dylan Akio Smith & Kris Elgstrand, also written by Kris Elgstrand. Doppelganger Paul is a comedy about alienation, plagiarism and identity in an increasingly fragmented world. Although it’s never explicitly asked, Doppelganger Paul constantly poses the question: in a fragmented world, is any sense of belonging so valuable we’ll give up anything to hold on to it?
"Death For Sale" - Directed & written by Faouzi Bensaidi. Three young men decide to rob a jewellery store. They are among the hopelessly unemployed street population of Morocco’s provincial cities, common thugs in the eyes of many but bound by solidarity and friendship. They see the heist as a means to break out of a cycle of poverty that weighs on their destiny like a life sentence.
now’s all i need is one to accompany me or a killer outfit if ‘tis a solo trip
last night i had pretty interesting convo wit’ somebody who had such the strongest…belief in their “religion/culture/lifestyle”.
it was the first time i had ever heard of this…”organized culture” and from an outsider listening in on what someone else so strictly bases the foundation of their life on was….fascinating.
but while this conversation pressed forward i realized what it is i lack which others (such as this particular person) seem to have plenty of..
i don’t have it. i don’t have a belief system that allows me to have faith in much..
i know what i do believe in..Universal Laws* these things in my opinion make the most rational sense and applies universally to everyone on the face of the earth no matter what..
but besides that..my faith and belief in such “higher beings” doesn’t stretch around the corner and back like some people.
One part of this specific conversation i had that struck a nerve in me was a statement made similar to this:
"everyone has to belong somewhere; once you find out where you belong you’ll gain supreme knowledge and self awareness"
*pause* i responded with something along the lines of:
i don’t belong anywhere, and frankly i don’t see myself belonging anywhere whereby i’m expected to follow a set of man-made guidelines or suggestions on how the best way to live life is..
and on the contrary i know, for a fact, that i am probably one of thee most self aware people that i know without belonging or believing or having a strong faith conviction in any sort of organized religion, culture or community.
because i know who i am, i know that i am skeptical, i know that truths all around us are waiting to be…revealed, discovered, learn’t, taught… but in all fairness to my fellow faithful peers, i do not believe that there needs to be faith in one thing so specific in order to gain knowledge of self and awareness of truth. i’ve learn’t a lot of my lessons without having faith or strong belief in anything, and i continue to do so , consequently continuing to grow.
i used to admire those who had these strong faith meters, but now i kind of pity them..idk why i just do
“…E pass that hennessy in full throttle, Mat ov’ Fact last seen smashin’ at the brothel / buggy in the cross-euro crashin’ at a hostel
Yo the nigga said the fashion is collasial/
Black cloak erry’day, matching his apostles
Six foot three illy type slash EP, three foot six willy white
F*ck it though, cuz it aint all about the hype
They got him like “what hole did you crawl up out of?”—The Doppelgang
Jimmie:I don't need you to tell me how fucking good my coffee is, okay? I'm the one who buys it. I know how good it is. When Bonnie goes shopping she buys SHIT. I buy the gourmet expensive stuff because when I drink it I want to taste it. But you know what's on my mind right now? It AIN'T the coffee in my kitchen, it's the dead nigger in my garage.
Jules:Oh, Jimmie, don't even worry about that...
Jimmie:[interupting] No, No, No, No, let me ask you a question. When you came pulling in here, did you notice a sign out in front of my house that said "Dead Nigger Storage"?
Jules:Jimmie, you know I ain't seen no...
Jimmie:[cutting him off again; getting angry] Did you notice a sign out in front of my house that said "Dead Nigger Storage"?
Jules:[pause] No. I didn't.
Jimmie:You know WHY you didn't see that sign?
Jimmie:'Cause it ain't there, 'cause storing dead niggers ain't my fucking business, that's why!